So here I am. And on time for a change. (I can say that because I wasn't given a specific time to show up.)
Stephanie asked me if I would do a guest blog for her and I readily agreed after the following thoughts:
1) This idea has always intrigued me and I've actually had several guest bloggers throughout my blog. And even one who actually knew me in person. Stephanie is being extremely brave though. Seriously brave. I was nervous about what exactly the guest blogger who knew me would write....and she knew me. Stephanie is putting her blog into the hands of a certifiable....um....never mind.
2) When I asked her for some details (as in ground rules) she really had none! This was her response; 'Take your best shot' and 'this is so cool' and 'I'm such a geek.' Honest, and I have the e-mails to prove it! (Yeah, I'm putty in her hands now. Weak in the knees and slack-jawed as well. I think if you look closely you'll see drool on my chin. But I'm a sexy beast so the drool isn't a turn off, really.)
3) Stephanie blogs in the nude. Honest. Well ok, I can't actually say I have a confirmed sighting , but using my vivid imagination I'm sure that's how it is. (And she's cute so she can get away with this and it's one way to beat the summer heat, bonus!)
So anyway, I agreed to do this. That was the easy part since she stroked my ego, patted my head so to speak.
The hard part was deciding exactly what to blog about?
Quite the dilemma. We discussed possibly doing a blogger roast ala celebrity roast style but I've opted to surprise her with another idea. Since I don't know her that well I really didn't want to alienate her. But then after further thought, she's still reading me now....perhaps that's not going to be an issue.
You see I bring out two thoughts in most women I meet in life. Yes the dreaded 'double D's' if you will. (I disgust them and they discourage any further contact.)
(So what if I collect restraining orders like some people collect stamps or coins? We all need our little hobbies.)
So where the hell was I? Oh....the dilemma. What to write about.
I thought the best way to determine this was to do a thorough blog inspection. So I dug around Stephanie's archives like a frat boy during a panty raid. (I was impressed to say the least and actually a little more than just a little turned on. I'll send back any borrowed materials Stephanie. They were needed as research items, honest!)
(Can anyone tell me if it's necessary to dry clean a thong? Just wondering. Thanks in advance. Oh...some of this other stuff....so lacy and frilly....again....a little help here please.)
I am so easily side-tracked.
So back to the content of this post. What to actually write about.
I decided an in-depth interview was the way to go. Since I own her blog today I get to make the rules though. I not only get to ask the questions, but I also get to provide the answers as well.
(She does have the right to refute any of her answers, or for that matter, go into greater detail if she wishes. After all....I'm not a monster and can be quite charming and thoughtful at times despite the restraining orders.)
Mike: 'What is your favorite use for duct tape?'
Stephanie: 'I really don't think you need to know this Mike. Just be satisfied that this wonder tape can spice up any room in the house.'
Mike: 'If your nickname was Room Service exactly what would this imply?'
Stephanie: 'It would depend on the type of room and who exactly is in the room. For instance Mike, if it was you, it would imply soggy toast and lukewarm coffee at best.'
Mike: 'What is your opinion on the prostitution of the tooth fairy?'
Stephanie: 'What the fuck is the matter with you Mike? Don't confuse the tooth fairy with that slut Snow White and those seven little perverts she runs around with.'
Mike: 'Do you consider yourself weird?'
Stephanie: 'Not after meeting you. I must have been insane to let you do this to me!'
Mike: 'What is you first thought before you go to bed?'
Stephanie: 'It used to be I wish I had the love of my life sharing this bed. Now it's pretty much did I lock the door so that perverts like you can't sneak in?'
Mike: 'What's the meanest thing you've allowed someone to do to you?'
Stephanie: 'Actually I'm starting to think this is gaining ground. I will be kicking your ass in the near future.'
Mike: 'Would you ever participate in a threesome?'
Stephanie: 'Only if the other two participants were you. Now before you get all big-headed let me explain. I figure as old and frail as you are it would take two of you to keep up with one of me.'
Mike: 'How do you vent your anger?'
Stephanie: 'I've made reservations at a very nice restaurant for us to show my gratitude to you. The best part is that it is strategically located within walking distance of both the emergency room and a funeral parlor. My best advice to you is to wear clean underwear. Preferably your own for a change.
So that's all I've got. I think the last question pretty much sealed the deal and why should I push my luck?
Thanks for allowing me to make a fool of myself today Stephanie and best of luck on that date you have coming up tomorrow night. (Well....it's tomorrow night from the time I wrapped up this 'lil gig up anyway.)
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Mike, thanks, I loved having you here... the rest I'm leaving up to imagination, 'cause it involved me removing my bra, getting comfortable and ...oh, do you need a sandwich?
