stephanie
south of boston, United States
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An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice...'
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out
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Since the comments on the last post have exploded, I thought I’d answer a couple of comments here (if blogger ever lets me post again, shitty, fucking, dick, ass blogger. I’m so getting my own domain. Does anyone want to translate this template into wordpress for me? I’ll pay.)
Anyhoo…Anonymous wrote:
What he does is abuse. It is dangerous for you and you kids to be around him. Go with your instincts. If you feel it. It is real. You don’t owe anyone anything. Yikes, I just don’t like seeing or hearing or reading about people in abusive situations. It breaks my heart. People don’t change. He wants control. All men know women dream about their weeding their whole lives. You should have what you dream of!!!
_____________________________________________________________
Hey Anonymous! We’re a friendly bunch around here. Feel free to leave your name next time.
Yes, I’m aware that I endured over 11 years of abuse from this man. The question on the table is, has he really changed? From outward appearance, and in recent dealings with me, it would seem so. He has also been told, flat out, that if I was to accept him back into my life, there is no way that I will put up with anything remotely similar to where we’ve been in the past. He assures me that is possible and would absolutely be the case.
That said, my fear is living under the same roof with him again, knowing our history. I believe it is why I am holding back so much in terms of moving forward with him. He wants me to forget the past and start fresh. I don’t know if that is possible.
_____________________________________________________________
Haley-o wrote:
Wow, I didn't realize it was that bad. You're very brave to have left and even braver, it seems, to give him another chance for the sake of your kids.
I believe writing it out is a really good tool for you--because, if you really do want to move forward, you're going to have to release the past. Writing down the past externalizes it, right? ...unbottles everything and gets it out there. Writing down the past is a way of releasing it and distancing yourself from it--so you can see it for what it really was, deal with the residual pain, and let it go. I hope that helps...
________________________________________________________________
Hey Haley! Blogger didn’t let you sign in? :) The problem is instead of releasing it, distancing myself and letting go, its brought back a lot of bad memories, negativities and concerns for the future. Can I really, even for my kids, get back together, without living in constant fear? I don’t know if I can._________________________________________________________________
Truthfully, after writing this, I don’t know if I want to. But, it always comes back to the same thing, the boysies. It’s not like I woke up one day and said, “Wow, I’m still in love with B. I made a mistake. I should see if he wants to get back together. (That’s what he thought I would do 4+ years ago, though. Because, according to him, I was always wrong in the decisions I made four years ago.)
No. What this boils down to is I miss my boysies. In the past 4+ years, I have spent 2+ years with them, 2+ years alone. I want to see them everyday. If there is anyway I can work it out with this man and we can cohabitate peacefully, isn’t it better for them in the long run anyway? Having both parents living under the same roof?
Fuck if I know.
That’s what therapy is for.
