Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Validating oneself...

So I’m supposed to come up with five validating statements about myself that don’t involve work or my children before my next therapy session.

Why can’t I get over the feeling… what a load of crap!

I know it’s for my own good, it will help me develop my self worth, yada, yada, yada… but it’s just so damn stupid. And if I don’t believe in it, how is it going to help me?

Regardless, I’ll do it, because I do believe that this therapist can help me identify what I’m really feeling in regards to B and our past and future. Talking through things with her yesterday brought out some past pain and fear. And that’s what I need to work on the most. Not being afraid to say what I need to say to B. Being able to ask the tough questions, the questions that I didn’t ask before we got married. And those thoughts still frighten me, so I guess I do have work to do.

On a completely other note, for someone that just wanted something casual, The Player sure isn’t acting all that casual. He called me every day I was away, I heard last night how much he missed me.

I’m all like… (pregnant pause) “Me too.”

His response to that… “Yeah, right!”

Hee.

I think he likes that I’m very nonchalant about him. I don’t chase him; don’t call him. Don’t get me wrong, I like him, I just also know that we are too different; come from such different worlds, for this to ever be for the long haul. But he’s fun to be with, we laugh a lot, and the nekkidness is very, very good… so, I’ll keep him around for a while (till I decide that I’m done, then I’ll disappear, as I always do.)

He’s off to the Berkshires for a couple of days; we have plans for a nekkid weekend when he gets back on Friday.

Yum.

Can that count towards developing my feelings of self-worth and validation?

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